Rattlers Raise Championship Banner in "Home Opener"

The Saskatchewan Rattlers had their home-opener, of sorts, at SaskTel Centre last night against the Edmonton Stingers. On account of the post-2019 offseason and 16 months of global pandemic, this marked the first basketball game held for a general audience in Saskatoon in almost two full years.

But it wasn't really the Rattlers' home-opener. This was actually the seventh game of the Rattlers' season, and their fourth at home. Due to pandemic protocols, they'd played their schedule in front of strictly limited audiences to this point. Their actual "home-opener" on June 28 was contested in front of a few select healthcare workers and local media personnel. Just yesterday, the province of Saskatchewan lifted a whole host of Covid-19 limitations, and now the province is "back to normal," or at least crawling in the direction of normalcy. As such, the Rattlers can now have spectators at their games, and last night they welcomed fans back to the SaskTel Centre for the first time since August of 2019, when they clinched the inaugural CEBL championship.

The lack of an audience has not made for a lack of drama, at least not backstage. On the court, the 2021 Rattlers have been a flop. Going into last night’s game, they'd lost all six of their games thus far. With the exception of single-basket losses to the Niagara River Lions and Hamilton Honey Badgers, the scores have been lopsided against the Rattlers. They lost their first meeting with the Fraser Valley Bandits by 18 points, and their second by 20. Their first meeting with the 2020 champions from Edmonton resulted in a 41 point loss. While these finishes were more comic-tragic than they were dramatic, something had to be done with the directorial staff. Accordingly, coach Chad Jacobson stepped down from his post. Jacobson had only won a single contest since he took the Rattlers' head coaching position for 2020's Covid-necessitated "Summer Series" tournament. Into his place stepped Conor Dow, bringing G League experience into the mix. In Dow's first game, the Rattlers showed glimmers of improvement: they played the Stingers again, losing this time by just 31 points.

It was the Stingers that the Rattlers had to deal with yet again last night in front of a live crowd. Could the Rattlers draw the margin to within 30 points, or would it be more of the same?

Some things have stayed the same in the Snake Pit, bringing back traces of the 2019 Rattlers-game umwelt. The Venom Girls returned in full force, only now they have been rebranded as the "Venom Dance Team," a moniker that is altogether less diminutive and more gender-neutral, leaving the door open for non-female members in the future. The lineup of the Venom Dance Team didn't seem to have changed much from 2019, though the familiar faces were covered by face masks, at least before tip-off. Once the game began, the masks were off and the unfailing smiles were back in view. It's as if the original Venom Girls never stopped smiling. Another Rattler standby who hadn't lost his smile was Ssswish, the theriomorphic snake mascot. He'd picked up right where he'd left off, harassing fans and clapping for the Venom Dance Team as they executed their routines. Also back was DJ Charly Hustle, manning the wheels of steel and providing beats for both the dancers and the ballers.

But some things had changed. Absent was Gregger (or "Gregor," as your correspondent mislabelled him in the early blog posts), the hype-man who ran the skits and the promos that filled in the various play stoppages over the course of a Rattlers’ game. He has been replaced with a woman with a pixyish voice who read the majority of her hype-mongering lines from a script. She did a serviceable job, but Gregger's self-assured swagger, radio-ready voice, and constant dad-jeans will be sorely missed. And among the fans, there was no sign of the heavy-set man in the green-painted hockey-mask or his significant other. He was especially conspicuous by his absence on a night when wearing a mask in public would have actually been socially acceptable. (As it turns out, your correspondent was the only person in his section donning a mask, as his trusted local pharmacist has been slow on the draw in lining up a second shot.)

But perhaps the most irreconcilable change was that of Marlon Johnson, who stepped onto the court in an Edmonton Stingers' jersey. 

Marlon Johnson is the Saskatchewan Rattlers personified, or at least he was. Though he hails from the Windy City, for the spring and summer of 2019, he embodied a prairie plow-wind. He lifted Saskatchewanese spirits with each skyward drive to the hoop. His slam dunks were inspiring, stirring in Rattlers' fans a theretofore unimagined enthusiasm for basketball. Johnson was the on-floor architect of the Saskatchewan Rattlers. On May 9, 2019, with the Rattlers trailing the River Lions in the latter half of the first-ever CEBL game, Johnson slammed home a rousing one-handed jam, sending the SaskTel Centre crowd into a frenzy. By doing so, Marlon Johnson singlehandedly turned the Rattlers into an unequivocal home team. Johnson would continue to galvanize the home crowd right through to the CEBL’s final-four tournament in August 2019. Here, Johnson led those Rattlers to the inaugural CEBL championship with a victory over the Hamilton Honey Badgers. In the aftermath, Johnson would confess to the Star-Phoenix, Saskatoon's local rag, that it was the first championship he had ever won. For some among the Saskatchewan Rattlers' faithful, that unexpected glory that Marlon Johnson brought to Saskatoon sounded a little bit like fate.

And this is why it is so jarring to see Marlon Johnson in an Edmonton Stingers' uniform.

The free-agent Johnson was plucked away from the Rattlers in the 2019 offseason, and wound up with the Stingers for 2021. Marlon Johnson contributed in no small measure to that Rattlers victory in the 2019 championship final. To have him on the other side of the ball—and for an established rival, no less—should be a profound psychic discombobulation for Rattlers' fans.

Before tip-off, there was a ceremonial unveiling of the Rattlers' 2019 championship banner. There had been, of course, no opportunity to perform such a ceremony in 2020's prolonged lock-down. What should have been a jubilant moment took place in somewhat muted fashion. The PA announcer called the Rattlers' players to center-court to receive their plaudits, but this turned out to be rather moot, since there are, to your correspondent’s knowledge, no returning members of the 2019 championship team on the 2021 squad. The only integral member of that championship team in attendance was Marlon Johnson, in his Stingers' yellow and blue.

A blurred image of the inaugural CEBL championship banner.

And even once the banner had been unfurled, both the players and the crowd strained to find it in the rafters. The PA announcer had to direct people's gazes to its specific location in front of the division pennants garnered by the Saskatoon Blades (the city's hapless junior hockey team). The banner still wasn't easy to see, at least for your correspondent, as it had been positioned right above a bank of lights.

Once the cursory applause had settled, the game commenced. For most of the first quarter, Edmonton rained down uncontested threes. The Rattlers' three-point attempts, by contrast, just wouldn't sink. Finally, with around a minute to go, a three went down for the home side. Edmonton came out at the buzzer with a 24-20 lead. 

In the second quarter, former Edmonton Stinger Travis Daniels began asserting himself in the paint for the Rattlers. Eventually, the Saskatchewan side pulled even, and the two teams traded the lead. Meanwhile, the local fans took up heckling the Edmonton side.

"You live in the worst place in the country!" screamed one bespectacled young drunk. "It’s true!"

While your correspondent largely agrees with the sentiment, he was off-put by the boorish tone and comportment, which served to remind him precisely why he did not relish leaving the house before the pandemic.

Marlon Johnson proved to be the focal point of the Saskatchewan fans' jeering, and he was really hearing it during his foul shots. He got a measure of revenge in the latter part of the quarter when he plowed his way to the Rattlers' basket and threw down a stylish backhand jam, making sure to hang off the rim. Here then were shades of 2019. The aggressive jam did not, however, immediately break the Rattlers' spirits. Saskatchewan managed to take a 42-40 lead into the locker room at halftime.

For halftime entertainment, the fans were treated to an exhibition in misdirection. A non-threateningly handsome man with a headset mic had a courtside rube put cellphones into numbered envelopes. He then had the fan roll dice to pick out particularly numbered envelopes, and the magician/misdirectionist proceeded to smash all but one of the envelopes with a mallet. In the end, of course, the rube's cellphone was unscathed. The magic show left the rube mildly impressed, but for a group of well-dressed, upper-middle-class twenty-somethings in the courtside seats, it set off an absolute paroxysm of glee, which was probably ironic or else the product of alcohol and/or narcotic consumption.

In the third quarter, Travis Daniels stayed strong, draining a key three and a long two. But the Stingers pulled back into the lead, thanks in no small part to the virtuosic ball distribution of their captain, Jordan Baker. Jordan Baker is an absolute horse of a man. Baker's selfless approach and omniscience in the offensive zone set up many an easy lay-in for his teammates, most notably the irrepressible point guard Xavier Moon. The Stingers had a double-digit lead by the end of the third, up 65-54.

Xavier Moon takes a foul shot while Marlon Johnson looks on

Edmonton didn't look back. In the fourth quarter, their three-balls swished through almost automatically. Their fast-breaks absolutely ravished the Rattlers' defense. Why? Because Jordan Baker just wants it more. With a 16 point lead at the midway point in the fourth, Marlon Johnson added insult to injury by completing an alley-oop dunk. Just as Johnson's slam dunks could inspire us when he was a member of the home side, they could also deflate us from the opposite side. Marlon Johnson giveth, and Marlon Johnson taketh away. The Stingers came up with a quick steal on the next possession, and Johnson attempted to follow up the flash with more flash. Leading a lazy three-on-zero drive to the basket, and with the listless Rattlers' defenders straggling to get back, one of Johnson's teammates underhanded the ball off the backboard in hopes that Marlon could follow through with a massive dunk. Unfortunately—or perhaps fortunately for the Rattlers' faithful—Johnson mishandled the ball and couldn't make the sensationalistic slam happen. It seemed like just comeuppance for hotdogging against his former team.

But clearly, the Stingers already had the game in hand, and the Rattlers understood as much themselves. Their frustration was palpable. On the end of yet another Stingers' fast-break, the Rattlers' D'Andre Bernard took out Jordan Baker with an outright body-check. The Stingers' players converged on the scene, huddling around in high dudgeon, but Baker seemed totally unfazed by the attack on his person. After the technical foul was assessed, Baker calmly netted his foul shots. Jordan Baker is an absolute Clydesdale.

Jordan Baker nets a foul shot with equine calmness.

With the first dead ball after the four-minute mark of the fourth, the game was paused so as to set in motion the Elam ending. The Elam score was 86, and Saskatchewan had a lot farther to go to get there than Edmonton. The Rattlers' play improved in Elam time, and they climbed within fifteen points of their prairie rivals. But the comeback was not to be. Quite fittingly, Jordan Baker put down the final two-pointer to carry the Stingers to not just 86 but 87. The final score was 87-70 for Edmonton.

Marlon, circa 2019

With the loss, the Rattlers fall to 0 and 7. Perhaps it was a certain strain of nostalgia that brought the fans back to SaskTel Centre on this evening to be reminded of the 2019 champions, but Coach Dow and the Rattlers are going to need more than good memories to keep people in the seats. Specifically, they're going to need some wins, or at least some competitive losses.

Nonetheless, your correspondent felt some measure of nostalgia in seeing the 2019 championship banner enshrined above the lights at the SaskTel Centre. Hopefully, he wasn’t the only one. With that nostalgia came some closure, too. Two years later, we saw the long-awaited finale of a very happy chapter in a more innocent time. Now let’s hope that nobody who attended gets Covid.

CEBL Summer Series: The Final

On Championship Sunday of the Canadian Elite Basketball League’s 2020 Summer Series, the Edmonton Stingers met the Fraser Valley Bandits at the Meridian Centre in St. Catharines, Ontario. The perennially powerful Albertan squad was seeking retribution for its upset loss to the Saskatchewan Rattlers in the 2019 semifinals. The BC side, the lovable losers of the CEBL's inaugural season, were looking to complete a worst-to-first turnaround.

The Stingers and the Bandits played closely-contested, defensive basketball throughout the first two quarters of the final, trading the lead repeatedly. Edmonton fought their way into a 39-35 advantage going into halftime, due largely to fifteen points from their emotional leader, Xavier Moon, 2019 CEBL Player of the Year. After a cool first half, the Stingers' Jordan Baker established himself as more of a factor in the third quarter, and Edmonton expanded its lead into double digits. The Stingers weathered Fraser Valley's fourth quarter surges, transforming turnovers into more points and building up a commanding lead. Going into the Elam Ending, Edmonton led 81-63, making the Target score 90. Appropriately, it was Xavier Moon who netted the final free-throw shot to win the championship for the Stingers. Unsurprisingly, Moon was named MVP.

The CEBL trophy was processed into the arena not by the Mounties, as per last season's championship final, but rather by a medical doctor. This seemed more than fitting given the full-blown pandemic in which we live. The right to raise the trophy is much-deserved for Stinger's returnees such as Baker and Moon. This championship win may also provide some measure of solace for Stinger stalwart Travis Daniels, whose sister passed away earlier this week. 

And so the Edmonton Stingers received their due plaudits, though no one deserves plaudits more than CEBL Commissioner and CEO Mike Morreale. He has done praiseworthy work keeping his basketball brand in operation in the midst of a public health crisis, ensuring that a passable product was put on the court even in the face of COVID-19. A man of indomitable spirit, he is working to continue the growth of the league, having teased the possibility of a Montreal-area expansion franchise for next season. All told, Morreale's approach vis-a-vis the CEBL should be the template for how to start a fledgling sports league and to keep it running in a society where major league sports brands are increasingly hegemonic and epidemiological concerns in the public sphere are increasingly volatile. Viva la CEBL!

Rattlers Fold Against Blackjacks

The final game of the CEBL Summer Series was a do-or-die, must-win affair for the Saskatchewan Rattlers. Standing between the 1-4 Rattlers and the tournament's final playoff spot was the 2-3 Ottawa Blackjacks team, who were themselves fighting for a quarterfinal spot. The Blackjacks are an expansion franchise, the logo of which depicts an Argus-eyed rabbit in mid-hop, following after the general pattern of CEBL logos, such as that of the Rattlers, which features an Argus-eyed rattlesnake, and that of the Niagara River Lions, which features an Argus-eyed lion, and that of the Hamilton Honey Badgers, which features an Argus-eyed badger, and that of the Guelph Nighthawks, which features an Argus-eyed American nightjar, and that of the Edmonton Stingers, which features an Argus-eyed vespine creature (the only exception is the Fraser Valley Bandits' logo, which features a rather gimlet-eyed fox). A Blackjacks win meant the Rattlers' defense of their 2019 championship would end not with a bang but with a whimper, and without even so much as a playoff appearance.

At the outset, the Rattlers looked eager to defend their crown, perhaps for the first time in the tournament. They came out of the starting blocks with the pedal to the floor, building a quick 8-0 lead on the strength of two threes from Kai Williams. The Rattlers couldn't keep their foot on the gas in the second, though, and Ottawa fought back to tie the game at 23, and then built up a lead from there. The Rattlers couldn't muster a basket until the five minute point of the second, and managed only 9 points in the full frame. Negus Webster-Chan was a microcosm for the Rattlers' impotent offense, going into halftime zero-for-ten from the field. As a whole, the Rattlers appeared too tired to penetrate the perimeter of the Blackjacks' defense. Their unforgiving schedule, with two instances of games on back-to-back days, was evidently taking its toll on the Rattlers. The score was 38-32 Ottawa going into the break.

The Rattlers looked altogether out of gas in the third. They made a plethora of unforced errors, and the Ottawa Blackjacks converted these into points. The Rattlers' offensive attack was just that—offensive, in that it offended most every fundamental basketball sensibility. The only highlight of this third quarter, at least from your correspondent's perspective, came when the CBC's audio feed started glitching severely, the commentary suddenly sounding like a reading of William S. Burroughs' cut-up fictions. Ottawa led 60-43 at the end of three frames, as the Rattlers had only scored 21 points in the second and third quarters combined. 

The fourth quarter gave every indication that it would be the final quarter of the Rattlers' season. All throughout, Ottawa's lead hovered just over and just under twenty points. The Blackjacks' advantage likely would have well exceeded twenty had it not been for some flashes of brilliance from the Rattlers' Kemy Osse, who put down a few stirring baskets in the late going. Heading into Elam time, Ottawa led 78-59, making the target score 87. Mercifully, T.J. Lall sank the final three-pointer for Ottawa, giving them an 87-69 victory, putting them in the playoffs, and guaranteeing a new CEBL champion in 2020.

And so ended the Saskatchewan Rattlers' 2020 season, and with it their 2019 championship reign. The 2020 Rattlers will be remembered as a feckless, ragtag bunch, less a team than a motley collection of individuals adrift. Coach Chad Jacobsen failed to rouse, or even reel in, his charges, and these Rattlers played some very ugly basketball as a result. The Rattlers' Summer Series and their ouster therefrom was, in the end, in a word, unceremonious. 

Honey Badgers Stick it to the Rattlers

Somewhere amidst the glut of professional basketball, baseball, and hockey cramming TVs and video streaming services on a Tuesday afternoon in August, 2020, the Saskatchewan Rattlers took on the Hamilton Honey Badgers in a rematch of the 2019 CEBL championship final, and the Honey Badgers managed to avenge the previous year's loss with a 86-73 triumph.

The Honey Badgers jumped out to a 10-0 lead within two minutes, and the situation looked glum for the Rattlers. The Rattlers' three-point shooters looked more like bricklayers than basketball players. The Saskatchewan side trailed 30-14 after the first quarter, and all appeared to be lost for the scuffling snake-elementals. Then, slowly but surely, and due in no small part to the ball-distributing efforts of Saskatchewanese forward Kai Williams, the Rattlers tied the score at 33-33. Incongruously, Saskatchewan led 36-35 at the half.

The lead bounced to and fro between the teams in the third quarter, but in the fourth, the Honey Badgers pulled away. Saskatchewan couldn't sustain any sturdy offensive attack. Going into the Elam Ending, the Honey Badgers led 76-64, making the target score 85. Ex-NBA-er Brionte Weber put down the winning basket for the Honey Badgers.

With the win, the Honey Badgers have stamped their ticket into the Summer Series quarterfinals later this week. The Rattlers, meanwhile, will likely have to win their game tomorrow to get in. All told, neither team seems particularly well-poised to make a repeat appearance in the championship final.

Rattlers Stung by Stingers

The Saskatchewan Rattlers were defeated by the Edmonton Stingers by a score of 88-66 in a Saturday afternoon laugher in St. Catharines, Ontario. The Rattlers started with a lead in the first quarter, but, as with previous leads, it quickly evaporated, as his often been the case for the Saskatchewan side in this Summer Series. The Stingers, meanwhile, were driven by sparkplug guard Xavier Moon, the 2019 CEBL Player of the Year. Moon tossed three after three into the basket, precluding any chance for a Rattlers' comeback. Decidedly absent for the Rattlers was Negus Webster-Chan, who spent the entirety of the game on the sidelines. Moreover, point-producer Kris Joseph left the game prematurely for the banged-up Rattlers. The win hopefully provided a bright spot among shadows for Stingers' import Travis Daniels. Yesterday, Daniels' sister passed away suddenly, and Daniels is unable to leave Canada to be with his family, lest he be forced to quarantine. As if that wasn't enough, Daniels was shouldered in the groin while making a first-quarter drive to the hoop. Emotional and physical pain notwithstanding, Daniels helped set in motion the fast-break that led to the game-clinching bucket in Elam time, which was thrown down by the hardworking Edmontonian Jordan Baker. With the loss, the Rattlers fall to 1-3, and seem less and less likely to make a concerted defense of their 2019 title.

Nighthawks Soar Past the Rattlers

In their third Summer Series contest, the Saskatchewan Rattlers were defeated by the Guelph Nighthawks by a score of 87-71. The sole standout for Saskatchewan was Kevin Bracy-Davis, who put down some pivotal threes to keep the Rattlers close to the Guelph side in the first half. The Nighthawks' defense, however, wouldn't let the Rattlers establish any sort of sustained offensive attack. In the fourth quarter, mental lapses—turnovers, missed free-throws, etc.—ensured the Rattlers could not get back into the game. Going into the Elam Ending, the Nighthawks led 78-64, making the target score 87. In a matter of minutes, the Nighthawks' Tyrell Tate drained the winning bucket for the win off a rebound.With the loss, the Rattlers are 1-2 at the midway point of the CEBL Summer Series tournament.

Rattlers Outfoxed by the Bandits

The Saskatchewan Rattlers were defeated by the Fraser Valley Bandits by a score of 87-75 in a Tuesday night tete-a-tete between the CEBL's two undefeated teams (insofar as 1-0 counts as "undefeated") at the Meridian Centre in St. Catherines.

The Bandits look strong in the opening minutes, though the Rattlers quickly took back control and the lead, pulling well ahead by the end of the first quarter. Saskatchewan was up 49-38 at the half, and seemed as if they were poised for their second win. Fraser Valley managed to tie the game up in the third, and trailed by just two going into the fourth. In the final frame, the Bandits sneaked ahead. The Rattlers just couldn't score.  Negus Webster-Chan was able to drain a crucial game-tying three to keep things close as Elam time approached. The Bandits were up 78-72 going into the Elam Ending, making the target score 87. With the Bandits at 84, their stalwart spark-plug Marcus Capers was fouled past the three point line. He drained all three of his subsequent foul shots. Capers had been solid for the Bandits all evening, and so it seemed fitting that he would record the winning basket.

The star of the evening was the Bandits' Cam Forte, largely on account of his defensive performance. Forte tied the CEBL record for steals in a game with 6, a mark that previously belonged to the incomparable Bruce Massey, formerly of the 2019 Rattlers.

Another encouraging performance came from sideline reporter Amy Audibert, whose genuine enthusiasm for both the interviews she conducts and the action on the court is always unquestioningly conveyed. The most telling moment of the broadcast itself, however, was when color commentator Jevohn Shepherd mistook the Rattlers' totem animal for a bear. He seemed incredulous when he was informed that the team logo, and the "Rattler" it denotes, makes reference a snake.

With the loss, the Rattlers fall to 1-1. The Bandits, meanwhile, are the cream of the crop in the CEBL at 2-0, a complete about-face from their dismal 2019 campaign.

Rattlers Tame the River Lions

Just one month short of a year ago, the Saskatchewan Rattlers were crowned CEBL champions, and all was right and decent in the world. Flash forward eleven months, and we live in a nearly full-blown dystopia. In view of a global pandemic, we can't travel or gather in public places, and when we do leave the house, we don a mask...if we accept the coronavirus is real. Indeed, a significant portion of society believes that COVID-19 is a conspiracy concocted for purposes of resetting the economy or keeping Donald Trump from further terms or some other comparable nonsense. And so the virus spreads unabated. As a consequence, sports are played in empty arenas in "bubble" cities. 

The CEBL champion Rattlers should have been opening the season at home with the ceremonial unfurling of the 2019 championship banner from the rafters at the SaskTel Centre. Instead, with the virus not fully in check, the Rattlers had their "home opener" in the Meridian Center in St. Catharines, Ontario, home of the Niagara River Lions and the CEBL's designated "bubble" city. Here, the Rattlers will embark upon defending their crown in a "Summer Series," a single round-robin among the CEBL teams with playoffs to follow, all the games for TV viewers only. Their first opponents? The "visiting" Niagara River Lions. We suffer this unceremonious start to this stripped-down sophomore season in the interest of public health.

From the warm-ups onward, things looked much different for the Rattlers. The only returnees from the 2019 championship squad are Jelayne Price, Shane Osayande, and the venerable Negus Webster-Chan (hereafter NWC). More noteworthy were the absences: Chad Posthumus has entered his post-Rattlers life, and Marlon Johnson has left approximately seven feet of emptiness in the Rattlers' roster. Marlon Johnson made the Saskatchewan Rattlers. His absence is nothing less than a disruption of the psyche for Rattlers' diehards.

When the game commenced, the atmosphere was different, too. The CEBL referees are now using electronic push-button whistles rather than risking saliva-based coronavirus transmission via more conventional means of blowing down fouls. This has had only minimal impact on gameplay. More jarring, at least from the perspective of the Rattlers' faithful, was the empty arena. The absence of fans in the stands marked only a slight drop in attendance from typical 2019 games in gloomy Ontarian burgs like Guelph and Hamilton. Kudos to the CEBL for not putting cardboard cutouts in the empty seats, or for piping in crowd noise as per Major League Baseball. These innovations have succeeded only insofar as they have made the baseball experience uncanny, desperate, and surreal. 

More daring is the CEBL's adoption of the "Elam Ending," an Asperger's-ish alternative to the usual conclusion of basketball game. While the last portion of the fourth quarter conventionally devolves into strategic fouling and becomes decidedly drawn-out as such, the Elam Ending, named for the Mensa member/middle-school principal who invented it, diverges dramatically: the game clock is rendered meaningless after the first dead-ball with less than four minutes remaining. At this point, a "target score" (T) is determined by the formula T = n+9, where n equals the number of points held by the team in the lead. The two teams then shoot it out to reach this number and end the game. This guarantees that every game will end on a basket, rather than a bunch of pedantic intentional fouling. Moreover, it gives a glimmer of hope to teams down by a lot with only a little time remaining.

In the first quarter of the Rattlers' season opener, the home team (that is, the Rattlers) came out a bit flat, going down 13-5 after four minutes of action. The mood at the Meridian Centre was moribund. Girded in exposed pipes and industrial heaters, the St. Catharines arena gives the impression of a boiler room (at least on livestream). But the Rattlers came to life by the middle of the first quarter and snatched back the momentum, galvanized by none other than NWC. They took a convincing 50-39 lead into the halftime.

The River Lions showed some ferocity early in the second half, but couldn't claw back. Their perennial star, Guillaume Boucard, was conspicuous by his lack of offensive contribution. Meanwhile, former Rattler Ryan Ejim was as butter-fingered as ever beneath the basket, reminding us all of his Saskatchewan days. The Rattlers took an 86-67 lead into the Elam Ending, making the target score 95. Elam time dragged on, as the Rattlers couldn't buy a bucket, missing shot after shot. Both teams looked tired, particularly the River Lions, who'd played their series opener the day before. But in due course, Kemy Osse put the River Lions out of their misery when he drained the winning three-ball for Saskatchewan.

And so the game ended 96-79 for the Rattlers, marking an impressive start for the Saskatchewan side. The CEBL and the Rattlers are back, and so the world regains some vague semblance of decency. But with that said, so much was missing in this "home opener": there was no Ssswish stalking the sidelines, no Gregger running inane promos, and no Venom Girls twerking in synchrony (which may in fact be a progressive deletion). Alas, it's far better than no CEBL at all. 

CEBL Championship Weekend: The Final

On the Canadian Elite Basketball League’s first-ever Championship Sunday, the host Saskatchewan Rattlers met the Hamilton Honey Badgers at the SaskTel Centre in Saskatoon. It would be yet another chapter in the annals of classic Hamilton/Saskatchewan sports matchups, alongside the 1989 and 2013 Grey Cup games. Would this be another Saskatchewan victory over a hapless Hamilton side?

The pregame posed other questions as well. For instance, why was Rattlers’ guard Michael Linklater limbering up with the team in full uniform? Had he not, after all, just retired from professional basketball the previous day? Apparently, the pull of the championship game was too strong for Mr. Linklater to resist, and here he was back among his teammates. He looked dialled in during the warmup, poised to write a dramatic final chapter to what had already been an inspiring season.

Less inspiring were the Edmonton fans who had returned for day two. In particular, a boisterous, haggard trio of Edmontonian males in full Stingers’ regalia plunked themselves down in the fourth row. They made it clear early on that they had realigned their allegiances. Now they were cheering for the Hamilton Honey Badgers. In the pregame, venerable Rattlers’ mascot Ssswish spotted them and moseyed over for some good-natured joshing. He staked his hands on his hips and wagged a finger at the Edmontonians. The Edmontonians responded with a hail of imprecations, repeatedly directing the anthropomorphic snake to “suck it!” with reference to their genitalia. A vital question presents itself here: who is more pitiable? The person dressed as an anthropomorphic snake who is trying to provide wholesome entertainment, or the paunchy Albertan longhairs imploring said snake-costumed person to forcibly fellate them? One abiding truth springs eternal: it is the Albertans who are deplorable.

Hype-man Gregor assumed his accustomed dominion over the microphone and started with a survey. When he asked the crowd who was cheering for the Rattlers, he got a robust response from the home supporters. When he asked who was cheering for the Honey Badgers, he got some feral braying from the three guys from Edmonton. Some of the Hamilton players noticed and smiled sheepishly over at the Albertans. Had it not been for these dishevelled Edmontonians, the Honey Badgers would have been entirely without supporters. Even the scattered Niagara fans from the previous day seemed to be siding with the Rattlers.

Also back for the final was the female ref who had made semi-final #2 all her own the previous day. Mercifully, she seemed to have been placed in a subordinate position to the head referee. Would she still manage to make the championship game all about her?

Some particularly percussive pyro issued from the baskets, sending a sharp peal through the arena. It was clear that tipoff was approaching. Dignitaries made their way to centre court—a high-ranking chief of the Saskatchewan First Nations followed by premiere Scott Moe, who huffed and chuffed his way out, bringing up the rear. The ceremonial tip happened with little ceremony, and then the real tip commenced. The CEBL final was underway.

The finalists take their positions (with Venom Girls slithering in-between)

The Rattlers went for the razzle-dazzle immediately, with Shaq Keith putting up an alley-oop for Big Chad Posthumus. Posthumus went with the relatively conservative lay-up finish, and the Rattlers led 2-0. Three minutes in, however, Hamilton had a 7-6 lead. Perhaps they were aided by the three bedraggled Edmontonians. As the home crowd silenced itself while the Rattlers shot free throws, the Edmontonians took the opportunity to shout potentially distracting wisecracks. Perhaps the term “wisecracks” is a bit generous, because the comments they made weren’t exactly witty barbs. Early on, the doughy, bespectacled Edmontonian with the longest hair among his peers screamed “I’m gonna boo you louder this time!” for the second of two foul shots. It was the cleverest comment he would make all day.

Early action from the CEBL championship game

Hamilton had their fair share of ball-control early on, but to the Rattlers’ good fortune, the Ontarian side was shooting terribly. The score was 12-7 Rattlers at 4:14 of the first. However, fouls were racking up for Saskatchewan standouts Shaquille Keith and Marlon Johnson. The Hamiltonians did decently at the charity stripe, and took a 23-21 lead into the second quarter.

In the early going of the second, the Rattlers managed to pull within a point. Then the Honey Badgers’ cave-mannish forward Murphy Burnatowski dropped down a three, and Hamilton led by two scores, 30-26. This occasioned unruly cheers from the actual Neanderthals—that is, the Edmontonians—in the crowd.

The ensuing TV timeout saw the perfunctory promotional shot, for which Gregor trotted out a squab, generic fan. Gregor then announced that the half-court shot, which had been replaced with a more manageable free-throw due to futile fan efforts early in the season, was making its return. The squab fan gathered himself and then let loose his mightiest shot. It didn’t even make it to the cylinder beneath the hoop. Promptly, the Edmontonians began to chant “One more shot! One more shot!” That allowance, however, was not made for the squab Saskatchewanese fan.

The Rattlers came out of the TV timeout on a mission. Negus Webster Chan drained two big three-point attempts, giving the Rattlers the lead and prompting Hamilton bench boss Chantal Vallee to call a timeout. The Rattlers faithful was going wild, and the upper-middle class trash seated at the baseline were leading the charge. In fact, the PA announcer had to issue a second warning about use of profanity in-game.

When play resumed, the Rattlers tightened their grip on the contest. Shane Osayande put down a big jam, stoking the crowd. Negus followed up by tickling the twine with another three, and the home squad took a solid 42-34 lead.

Still, the Stingers-cum-Badgers fans wouldn’t back down. When the Rattlers’ Ryan Ejim drew a foul and stepped up to the line, they persisted with their heckling. “Your dentist says you don’t floss enough!” screamed the bespectacled longhair. Perhaps there is some wit in this comment that your correspondent has failed to grasp.

More impactful was the substitution announced in the final minutes of the second quarter. Michael Linklater had stepped up to center-court, and was announced into the game. He had indeed come out of retirement after just one day. He received another standing ovation. Given the twenty-four hour whirlwind drama of his retirement and return, one thing seems quite clear: Linklater is not shy about having the spotlight cast upon him. Your correspondent does not, however, say this to Linklater’s discredit. Truth be told, the Linklater story is that of a man finally getting the platform he deserves. Moreover, he is using that platform to do good: in the abstract, he is an inspiration for First Nation youth; more tangibly, he is spearheading efforts to develop basketball courts in underprivileged communities. So yes, he should seek the spotlight, and he should bask in it. Honestly, we could do much worse in terms of athletic role-models.

At halftime, the Rattlers led 48-41. The fans shouted their approval as the buzzer sounded. They could feel that something special was not out of the realm of possibility. But there was also an infinitesimal, intestinal angst. Most resident Saskatchewanese, after all, have a deep and abiding relationship with disappointment.  

The halftime entertainment was yet another DJ. Your correspondent didn’t catch the DJ’s name and is deeply regretting it. This gentleman, who rocked a glittery jacket and a Mohawk haircut, may have actually been the best DJ of the season. He possessed neither the glad-to-be-here desperation of Rattlers’ regular DJ Charly Hustle, nor the too-cool-for-school insouciance of Raptors’ DJ 4 Korners. He had a certain intangible quality that seemed lacking or altogether absent in the various halftime acts that appeared throughout the season. Maybe it was the fact that he was actually an entertainer. He had lots of energy, but not too much. He knew how to get a sufficient rise out of the crowd. For instance, early on in his set, he dropped down out of view behind the turntables, raised his legs in the air, and began to applaud with his shoes. This brought smiles to the faces of fans of all ages. He also knew what to play. He started with “We Will Rock You,” and had even some septuagenarians singing along (your correspondent refers here to his seatmate/pater familias).

This really roused certain pockets of the crowd. Some milfs from Edmonton, for instance, were particularly inspired. They accumulated at the baseline, and began dancing without restraint. Even Hammer, the Hamilton mascot who had been conspicuously reserved during both the semi-final and final, got into the act. He scooted over to the little party at the baseline and got in the middle of the milfs, dancing unreservedly. Apparently, he’d shed all his earlier inhibitions. He wound up stealing the show.

A Badger among Cougars

When the lights came up and play resumed, the SaskTel Centre thrummed with an even more palpable excitement. Could there be another championship banner hanging from the rafters?

The consideration, of course, was premature. Hamilton made a 9-2 run to start the third quarter and tied up the score three minutes in. The Honey Badgers were hungry, none more so than their standout Ricky Tarrant Jr. He won an epic battle for the ball with multiple Rattlers, and converted the victory into an important bucket to keep the score even.

It took an errant elbow to the face of Triple D, Demetrius Denzel-Dyson, to stop the Badgers’ charge. In the aftermath, Negus netted a three to make it 57-52. On the sidelines, Coach Vallee complained vehemently to the female ref, and this occasioned a long pause in play. Vallee’s grievances must have sunken in, for on the ensuing Hamilton possession, a soft foul was called on Shane Osayande. The home crowd initiated a chant of “ref, you suck!”

The big man Osayande could not be held back, however. He reclaimed the ball in due course and then jammed it home, drawing a foul as well. He put the free throw through the hoop to make it 62-53. Now the hometown horde was feeling it even more pronouncedly.

Michael Linklater came back in the game with 4:20 remaining. He promptly took the ball and made an arcing, acrobatic layup. The crowd went buck wild. Soon after, Linklater drew a foul. It was now 68-56 with 2:38 left in the third. The crowd was getting giddy. Hamilton called another timeout to regroup.

When play resumed, Hamilton pushed closer. For the Rattlers, Linklater acted as steward of the offense, leading it up court. The crowd loved it. Linklater, however, didn’t seem especially keen on distributing the ball. On at least one occasion, he drove to the hoop precipitously and was rebuffed by the Hamilton D. It seemed as if Linklater might have been getting caught up in the increasingly Rudy-esque spirit of the moment.

This allowed Hamilton to get back within range. Burnatowski drew a foul and converted his shots, narrowing the deficit to just 7, the score now 70-63. When the Rattlers got free throws of their own, the Edmontonian fans were ready to play verbal defense from afar. “Your driving skills need improvement!” shouted the grubby greaser with glasses. This prompted an exchange of puzzled glances and shrugs between your correspondent and a young woman seated in his row. Again, being Albertan is more about pure animal force than it is about wit.

The home side went into the fourth up by double digits, 73-63. The atmosphere was solemn. Things looked good, yes, but there were so many developments—so many disappointments—that could still take place. One of those potentialities was an epic Rattlers’ meltdown.

Hamilton managed to trim the lead to 8 with about four minutes gone. At this point, Negus Webster Chan pulled up for a three. As he let loose the jumper, he might as well have been plunging the dagger. If this went in, it was game over. The ball kissed off the rim, and then skittered into the meaty palms of Shane Osayande. Osayande slammed it home with a massive, authoritative dunk to make it 81-71. The crowd went into a blissful conniption. It was cut short, however, by the irrepressible Ricky Tarrant Jr., who raced back up court and put down a prompt two.

On the sidelines, Hammer was really holding his position, dancing generically in a very limited radius behind his team’s bench. It was if he was atoning for his outburst of nebulously sexual enthusiasm vis-à-vis the Edmontonian milfs at halftime. It was also as if he was getting an early whiff of impending defeat. It was sad to watch.

On the court, the Rattlers’ Captain Campbell put down a three to make it 87-76. The home fans stood with every basket. The potentialities were narrowing now. A pair of Mounties processed the trophy to the “commissioner’s suite.” The teams answered each other basket for basket, and the margin of difference didn’t change. In the final minute, it was 94-83 for the home side. If the outcome wasn’t obvious Shaquille Keith made it so. In a timeout, he strolled out to centre-court facing the hard-camera side of the crowd, and began stoking the locals, flexing and peacocking. The home fans loved it. Hamilton inbounded the ball but didn’t push the issue. They let the clock wind down before attempting a final, meaningless three as the buzzer sounded. It didn’t go.

The Rattlers congregate at centre-court in triumph

The ball bounded away into oblivion, and the Rattlers raced out onto the court. The Venom Girls sashayed out with pom-poms roiling. The lower bowl undulated with tendril-like limbs reaching skyward in rapture. Ruddy joy swept through players and fans and Venom Girls as if carried by a sirocco not of earth. That several thousand people can publicly congregate in unabashed joy, even fleetingly, in a post-Trump, post-Democracy world is a small marvel unto itself.

The Rattlers quavered collectively at centre-court for a while, and then one man emerged above it all. It was Michael Linklater, hoisted onto the shoulders of his teammates. He punched a fist out in the air, and the crowd punctuated the gesture with a wholehearted cheer. The DJ played DJ Khaled et al.’s “All I Do is Win.” Shaquille Keith started to get low, low, low at centre court. Championship hats were distributed to the Rattlers’ players. The Rattlers made a slow migration toward the commissioner’s suite. They stopped underneath the basket, grinning, embracing, and slapping high-fives. The big man Chad Posthumus hung off the rim in the NCAA March Madness tradition, grinning babyishly beneath his championship cap.

Chad Posthumus hangs off the rim while the victory sinks in

Once the Rattlers’ had reached the commissioner’s suite, there came the obligatory speeches from league luminaries. Greg Jockims was given a rare opportunity to speak and, standing akimbo, offered that “good people win championships.” Now, that may not always be true—your correspondent is reminded, for instance, of the 1989 Oakland Athletics—but, at that moment in the SaskTel Centre, it seemed to be a certainty. Seeing the well-earned smiles of Marlon, Negus, Linklater, Shaq, and Campbell, you had to at least entertain the belief that good things sometimes do happen to good people.

The Rattlers raise the CEBL Championship

The trophy was handed over to Alex Campbell and confetti was all at once expectorated into the sky. The crowd cheered at full throat. The DJ spun “We are the Champions.” Your correspondent joined in at the chorus, assuming that everyone in attendance would be doing the same. Your correspondent was completely wrong, as he found himself the only one singing. Most attendees were working their way closer to the team at court level. It is, of course, human nature to gravitate toward the winners.

And by that measure, no one seemed more human than the Edmontonians. They had shimmied down onto the court, getting within selfie range of the trophy. The story of their weekend had a fundamentally human trajectory: they had started by cheering enthusiastically for the Edmonton Stingers. When the Stingers lost, they switched their allegiances so as to countervail the home Saskatchewan side, cheering for the opposing Hamilton squad out of spite. And then when Hamilton lost and there was only one team left standing, that being their despised Rattlers, they wanted nothing else but to be near the champion. In the span of just two days, they went from zealots to haters and then ended up as submissives with respect to the conquerors. Maybe these Albertans aren’t Neanderthals after all. Maybe, in their pure pathos, they are the most resoundingly human of all of us.

Soon enough, the Rattlers carried their prize to the dressing room. Fans lingered giddily on the court. One of the trashy upper middle class guys, quintessentially true to form, got a picture of himself flanked by all the Venom Girls at centre-court. Other people, for whatever reason, were lining up for photos with the heavyset super-fan in the green hockey mask. It was fascinating to see how, after the championship has been won and the spoils have gone to the victor, everyone sort of drifts quickly back into their own cheery solipsism. It becomes all about personal positionality again—about pictures, postures, and private glories. But even to have been given that exultant thrill—that communitas—of being able to howl triumphantly and harmoniously with the pack, even just a few minutes, is a privilege. For that fleeting privilege alone, we must thank the Saskatchewan Rattlers enduringly.

CODA:

Perhaps what is most satisfying about the Saskatchewan Rattlers’ 2019 championship season is its distinct narrative arc. The Rattlers started the campaign as a winning unit that shot out the lights. Then they devolved into a hapless mix of ham-and-eggers that went on a lengthy losing streak. By the end of the season, however, they were able to reclaim their early magic. They seemed to have matured in the process, as well, and in the end found themselves with the CEBL trophy. When the team lost Bruce Massey, their offensive lynchpin, in midseason, the situation looked bleak. Roster patch-overs like Ali Haidar and Gentry Thomas just couldn’t fill the Massey-shaped hole. Nor could they make a bucket. But perhaps the primordial Rattlers like Alex Campbell and Marlon Johnson realized at some point that they didn’t need Massey to succeed. In fact, they may have come to know that they were better off without Massey and his more-than-occasional histrionics. Despite the turnover in personnel, the core Rattlers evidently realized that they could win with what they had left.

But there were so many other narrative arcs that emerged from the Rattlers’ 2019 season. There was, of course, the arrival of Michael Linklater. Maybe he didn’t score a lot of points, but he won too many little battles to count. He won a bigger battle, too, establishing a platform for himself as an indigenous athlete. His on-court career may be ending, but his days as a role model for youth—indigenous or otherwise—are really just picking up steam. Almost as importantly, 2019 was the story of Linklater going out a champion. Linklater got his fair share of newsprint ink this season, but just as captivating were the other Rattler-related nano-narratives. There was, for instance, Marlon Johnson singlehandedly making the Rattlers into Saskatoon’s newest home team when he roused a theretofore tepid opening night crowd with one fourth-quarter tomahawk dunk way back in May. Moreover, there was the story of Saskatchewan getting to enjoy not one but two basketball championships over the course of a couple months—not just the Rattlers but, before that, the Raptors. Perhaps a lesser known fact is that this is the second pro basketball championship in Saskatoon’s history. Indeed, the Saskatoon Slam won the first and only championship from the first iteration of Canada’s NBL back in 1993. Edmonton may putatively be the “City of the Champions,” but in the context of minor league basketball, Saskatoon just might be able to stake a legitimate claim to that title.

Your correspondent would like to close this blog by offering some apologies and concessions. The first of these would be dropping the “your correspondent” shtick. With that out of the way, I would like to apologize to any of the fans and players that I may have fat-shamed throughout the season. Personally, I want to live in a world where all body types are admissible, because honestly, constantly staring at toned abs and glutes quickly grows even more tiresome than it is humbling. I also want to apologize, if applicable, for any instances where I slut-shamed or otherwise disparaged the Venom Girls, even subtly. Even though I think the whole cheerleader thing is a bit of a sports anachronism, these young women clearly put a massive amount of effort into their routines and related promotional endeavors. Even when these routines received lukewarm receptions from the viewing public, the Venom Girls’ smiles never faded. Sure, the smiles looked a bit painted-on, but even maintaining feigned happiness is better than most of us are capable of in our dreary, day-to-day lives. I should also apologize for any mockery or outright scorn I directed at mascot Ssswish or Hype-man Gregor. Sure, some—nay, most—of the promotional vignettes they participated in were asinine, but these two did yeoman’s work with what they were given to work with throughout the season, and for that they deserve kudos.  I will not, however, apologize for my ongoing queer reading of Ssswish and (eventually) Gregor as well. This was strictly an intellectual exercise and never intended as “queer-shaming.” Honestly, this queer reading was a bit of red herring. One of the fundamental strengths of mascots is that they are ultimately and paradoxically both pansexual and asexual at the same time, just another one of the many dichotomies these inherently liminal beings possess the power to collapse.

Finally, I’d like to apologize for the instances in which I referred to the CEBL as “minor-league” or “bush-league” basketball. The CEBL may be small and regional, but it was driven by ambitions that are admirably big. Commissioner Mike Morreale should be proud of what he and his team have accomplished in year one. These motivating ambitions should continue to grow. I sincerely hope there is a next year for the CEBL, even though this first one will be hard to top.

CEBL Championship Weekend: Semi-Final #2

The Saskatchewan Rattlers’ rousing victory in the first game of the CEBL’s semi-final Saturday set in motion an intense five to seven minutes of unrestrained local joy. This, however, came with consequences—the burst of sheer elation took all the air out of the SaskTel Centre. Once the euphoria had died out, the subsequent semi-final featuring two away teams was played in a somewhat funereal atmosphere. The hometown Rattlers were still dispersing on the tail end of their victory celebration when the Hamilton Honey Badgers and Niagara River Lions took to the court for their warmups. The Rattlers had to hurry off, and so too did the local fans.

The game commenced in front of just a smattering of fans—perhaps five or six in Niagara blue and neon green, two or three in Hamilton black and yellow. The paucity of Honey Badgers fans was compensated for by the few local fans that stayed; the Saskatchewanese allegiances were squarely with the Hamilton side. This alignment was obvious, as the hometown Rattlers were zero of four against Niagara in the regular season. As if anticipating this development, the Venom Girls came out rebranded in basic black with yellowish trim. They did some perfunctory pregame sashaying and got a golf clap for their efforts. Also competing for the attention of the crowd were the Hamilton and Niagara mascots, “Hammer” and “Dunkin”, respectively. These two were a study in contrast, as the former was a squat, plush badger, and the latter was a jacked, grey-skinned lion, the fabric of his costume puffed-out to look like steroidal sinew.

Hammer and Dunkin

The Honey Badgers and the River Lions kept it close early on. The underdog Badgers took an early lead thanks to the efforts of Demetrius Denzel-Dyson (hereafter Triple D), a man blessed with a trio of bankable, alliterative names. The Lions, however, would not be so easily tamed, and managed to even the score at 18-18 midway through the first quarter. At this point, the Rattlers players made their way back out into the arena in their street clothes—shorts, sandals, and tube-socks to a man. They sat down in some of the unsold front-row seats at courtside. The 6’10 Marlon Johnson plunked down right in front of a small, blond girl-child in denim overalls. The little girl was crestfallen, and only regained a viable vantage point when she was lifted onto the shoulders of an elderly matriarch. Marlon eventually clued into what was happening and made a half-turn around, grinning sheepishly.

Girl-child stands on chair to see over Marlon Johnson

The on-court product was far less innocent, as the game was getting decidedly unbridled—chippy, even. The score was 34-34 after one quarter, and the teams were trying to take any advantage they could to pull ahead. The Hamilton side was particularly rowdy, and yet frequently expressed grievances vis-à-vis the referee’s calls, which they felt were going against them at an inordinate clip. Niagara wasn’t exactly pleased with the officiating either. After a foul call, Niagara’s Dorian Pinson called “bullshit.” The word echoed loud and clear throughout the mortuary-like SaskTel Centre, in which virtually all on-court chatter was plainly audible. Hearing this, the female ref got up in Pinson’s face, advising him to put up and shut up.

At this point, Shaquille Keith, soul of the Saskatchewan Rattlers, strode out to courtside to sit with his teammates. He was clad in a black and white t-shirt patterned with Mickey Mouse’s smiling face. Soon after, Rattlers’ forward Jelane Pryce ambled out. He made a point of stopping to shake hands with the trashy upper middle class rowdies seated at the baseline who had cheered so stridently against Edmonton in the previous game.

While the home team glad-handed with its fans on the sidelines, the two away teams on the court were at the throats of their opponents, not to mention their own teammates. As a case in point, Pinson got up into the face of Niagara’s bona fide star, Guillaume Payette Boucard, criticizing some aspect of his play in plaintive tones.

When in-game host Gregor inaugurated Flex Cam, it almost seemed like a necessary stress-relief for all onlookers. Naturally, the brawny Dunkin luxuriated in this promotional vignette, as could be expected. But conspicuously absent was Hammer. Dunkin had also been close by Gregor’s side for “Air Guitar Cam” earlier on in the first quarter, while Hammer was nowhere to be found. All told, the Hamilton spokes-badger appeared shy and reserved, the diametric opposite of the brazen and invasive deportment one expects of a mascot.

Apparently, all the grievances within and between the teams and the refs evened out. Hamilton and Niagara were only a hair’s breadth apart at halftime, with Niagara leading 55-54.

For this, the less alluring of the two semi-finals, the halftime show was a male/female hip-hop duo billed as being from Saskatoon and Regina. The mic levels were just brutal, and the pair capered coolly while contributing verbally to the colossal wall of sound. Fascinatingly, the few lines that your correspondent could make out were admirably old school, worthy of the most mean-spirited west coast gangsta rap. The lyrics concerned drug deals and tawdry sexual liaisons, suggesting there is a thoroughly thugged-out side of city life in Saskatchewan that is not often documented. Numbly, a few dozen attendees watched and listened. When the combo concluded with their Saskatchewanese ghetto poetics, a couple people applauded.

When play resumed in the second half, the referees really made the game theirs. Virtually every sequence saw a questionable call made against one team or the other. Together, the female ref was like a copy-editor who wanted to correct every single grammatical solecism she saw. At the shrillest grammatical pitch, you can find something off in virtually any given multiclausal sentence ever written. But if you cry foul with respect to every grammatical grey area, you will never appreciate (or make allowances for) the deeper semantic rhythms and resonances of a composition in its totality. The same goes for sports—to flag everything even resembling a transgression is to eliminate the deeper grammar of the game itself.

The dissatisfaction hit its tipping point when an onrushing Hamiltonian was called for a charge on a play where the Niagara defender didn't seem to have position. Incensed to the point of truculent laughter, Hamilton’s troglodytic forward Murphy Burnatowski threw up both his hands and made the finger-rubbing gesture universally indicating matters monetary. The thesis of this hand gesture would seem to be one of conspiracy, namely that the fix was in to put the first-place River Lions in the final. Though such conspiracy theories are probably imagined, what was very real and palpable was the discontent among players and fans. Sympathetic boos rained down on the refs, and not just from the tiny Hamilton contingent in the stands.

Representative shot of one team regrouping, other team complaining to the ref

Indeed, the game was being deconstructed by the referees, and the Honey Badgers, the River Lions, and the crowd all cried foul in unison. On more than one occasion, the three officials had to huddle together to discuss calls. Eventually, the DJ even put in his two cents by playing the Jeopardy! theme as one such tete-a-tete (-a-tete) went on painfully long. In solidarity, a screaming fan hollered “Let the boys play!” It was not clear who said screamer was cheering for, but the sentiment seemed to please all in attendance. It didn’t seem to shake the officials, as Hamilton’s Xavier Rathan-Mayes was soon after assessed a technical. Upon seeing this, someone else in the crowd yelled “Let ‘em play ref!” but this time it was more of a shriek.

Eventually, Hamilton actually had a foul called in their favor. Triple D went to the line for the Honey Badgers, and as he shot, his former teammate Shaquille Keith heckled him good-naturedly from the sidelines. Triple D shot a comeback over Shaq’s way, and the two laughed about it in that way that competitive men do. We’ll laugh now, that laugh says, but I’ll be coming for you soon.

For all their foul trouble, Hamilton was managing to keep pace. Niagara wasn’t necessarily prevailing in their role as favorite, though they were getting some good breaks beyond the shrill officiating. For instance, when Barbadian forward Kregg Jones broke in alone and missed an easy lay-in, the ball bounced out and fortuitously landed in the hands of Lions’ guard and resident soul-singer (look it up) Ryan Anderson beyond the arc. He put up a J and netted it for three. At the end of the quarter, Niagara still held their tenuous one point lead.

Early on in the fourth, the ostensible scales of justice started to tip against Niagara. The River Lions’ big man Sam Muldrow swatted away a Hamilton lay-up in what looked to be a textbook rejection. The female ref, however, called a foul on Muldrow, his fourth of the afternoon. Muldrow protested vehemently and got slapped with a technical. In the CEBL, five fouls make for an ejection. Ergo, Muldrow’s day was over. This was met with discontentment in the stands and on the Niagara bench.

But the River Lions’ pride didn’t get swept away. They actually started to separate from Hamilton. It started to look as if Niagara would meet Saskatchewan in the final, seeing if they could make it five wins in a row against the Rattlers.

“Fan of the Game” honours were bestowed upon a boy-child who had covered himself in unused CBC Sports towels. Gregor referred to him as “Towel Boy.”

After four-plus hours of basketball, other fans were also exploring similar surrealist or Dadaist approaches to keep things interesting. In one instance, with Niagara at the charity stripe, a female—likely one among the disgruntled Edmontonians—broke the silence with some keening screams. For the ensuing shot, a male—presumably her mate—began barking like a dog. Apparently, after four hours in relative civilization, the Albertans were reverting to their semi-feral state.

Meanwhile, Hamilton was recapturing some lost ground. After the Honey Badgers’ sparkplug Ricky Tarrant Jr. drained an exhilarating three, he beat his chest with his fist and screamed “’bout fuckin’ time!” All in all, there was a lot of screaming in the SaskTel Centre, both on and off the court. On the next possession, Tarrant Jr. drained another three. As he sprinted back to his own end, he slapped hands with Shaquille Keith at courtside.

Hamilton found itself in the lead with about a minute to go. Still, the team was anything but even-keeled. In fact, at this crucial juncture in the semi-final, they fell prey to the same kind of in-fighting that had plagued Niagara in the first half. Case in point: with less than a minute remaining, Sampson Carter and Triple D got into an intensive shouting match at centre-court. They were nose-to-nose, jabbing each other in the chest and spraying spittle as they shouted over one another. Finally, they pulled themselves apart, slapping each other with a violent low-five that was more sublimated rage than it was an earnest attempt to make amends.

Leading 104-102 with 34.8 remaining, the Honey Badgers’ uninhibited aggression got the best of them. Niagara’s Trae Bell-Haynes drew a foul, and went to the foul-line with a chance to knot up the score. As the fates would have it, Bell-Haynes missed both shots. Carter rushed for the rebound and claimed it over a tripped up River Lion. It looked as if the Badgers were out of the woods, but then Carter was—of course—called for a foul on account of the fallen opponent. There was no justice for the Honey Badgers. The only consolation was that four stadium affiliates wiped down the floor to prevent further trip-ups.

The River Lions went to the line again, but only sank one. Hamilton had the ball and the one point lead. All they needed to do was kill the clock and they would find themselves in the finals—

But they went out of bounds.

And so, Niagara got the ball back with plenty of time to stake out a quality shot. The River Lions inbounded the ball and got it to Anderson—an American, and hence a safe bet in a do-or-die situation. Anderson put up the shot and missed. Demetrius Denzel-Dyson wrestled for the rebound and it looked like the game was now Hamilton’s for sure—

But Triple D couldn’t take full possession. Cue the jump ball. But not before wiping down the key yet again.

Niagara won the jump ball and got possession again. With time waning and the season on the line, they sent the ball out to their best player Boucard. With shades of Steph Curry in the dying seconds of game six of the NBA Finals, Boucard put up a three ball as time expired.

It bounded off the rim and into the hands of a Hamiltonian. The buzzer sounded and the Honey Badgers poured off the bench and onto the court. All the River Lions slouched in unison. The underdogs had carried the day, and they were all smiling rabidly.

Losing a good game should offer little consolation for the Niagara River Lions. With a regular season record of fifteen wins and five losses, they finished first convincingly. Their reward for their efforts was playing a single-knockout road game in a prairie town 2300 kilometres away from their home base. They lost by one point, and with it lost their shot at the championship as well. It did not matter how many times they beat the host team during the season. They would not get a chance to make it five in a row in the Championship game.

As for the Honey Badgers, they were now presented with a chance to play the underdog again, this time against the host squad. They would go into Sunday with every intention of doing a major rewrite on the Saskatchewan Rattlers’ storybook ending.