Rattlers Look Defanged Against Honey Badgers

The Rattlers lost their first home game of the post-Bruce Massey era, dropping a 102-96 decision to the Hamilton Honey Badgers at the Snake Pit. Massey’s absence made for nothing short of a discombobulation of the psyche for players and spectators alike. Indeed, the fans that rimmed the lower bowl were relatively somber (and sober) compared to previous Friday night tilts.

Mercifully, the pregame wasn’t a gong show, for once; in fact, on this evening, something of actual substance was undertaken. Vice-Chief Morley Watson of the Federation of Sovereign Indian Nations (FSIN) was welcomed to center-court and took the mic. He welcomed the crowd to Treaty 6 territory, and gave a poignant discourse about power of sport, and the positive influence that the First Nations members of the Rattlers have had on their communities. The crowd proffered a stirring applause. To those two players, Michael Linklater and Gentry Thomas, Watson presented ceremonial blankets. Linklater’s brother then performed an honour song, which also garnered deserved plaudits. The anthem was then sung in a mix of English and an indigenous language your correspondent wasn’t immediately able to identify. This was more satisfying than the usual tokenistic pregame acknowledgement that the basketball game we are about to watch is being played on Treaty 6 land.

Someone who wasn't on Treaty 6 land was Bruce Massey. Massey has left the Rattlers permanently, absconding to the summer leagues of Ukraine. What does the former Soviet-bloc state have that Saskatchewan doesn't? 

On a more encouraging note, Negus Webster-Chan was back from his foot injury. Webster-Chan was unmistakably stepping up to fill Massey’s Brobdingnagian shoes. This was evident right from the tip-off, and soon enough he drained a key three-pointer to extend the Rattlers’s early lead. Moreover, Webster-Chan was rocking a headband, a shout out to Massey, perhaps, and, beyond that, an announcement that he's the Rattlers’ new alpha snake.

Negus Webster-Chan at the charity stripe

Too, there were a few new crew members on the Rattlers’ Ship of Theseus. The most noteworthy was Big Ali Haidar, who established his Bunyanesque presence with two quick buckets in the paint in the first quarter. Still, other Rattlers had trouble getting shots to fall from in close, and the home side was down 24-19 as the clock ran out on the opening frame. One of Rattlers’ forwards sent up a buzzer beater, which missed the net, but thereafter bounced out of play and landed square in the bed of the vintage Chevy pickup that sits behind the court for some reason (likely a raffle or something). The crowd proffered a stirring applause for this, as well.

At a stop in play early in the second, our venerable host Gregor made public the fact that it was SSSwish’s birthday. He was turning one year old. Gregor lead the crowd into singing "Happy Birthday" for the anthropomorphic serpent. Some followed suit, singing with tepid, mumbly enthusiasm. This vignette culminated with Ssswish cramming a piece of birthday cake into the face of some random guy. As play resumed, an official-looking woman in a headset and a neat purple dress dutifully mopped up the cake-stain from the concrete.

The Rattlers outscored the Honey Badgers in the second quarter. The Venom Girls, bless their hearts, attempted to help out on D by setting up shop on the baseline while the opposing team shot free-throws. The assumption, it follows, was that the Venom Girls' waving pompoms and supple blondness would distract the opposing shooters. Unfortunately, this strategy didn't seem to work. The Honey Badger’s Samson Carter was a paradigm of asceticism, draining a pair of foul shots while the Venom Girls went through various stations of mammalian lordosis in front of him. Effectiveness of the Venom Girls’ defensive schemes notwithstanding, the Rattlers managed to trim the deficit to just a couple buckets at half, trailing 48-44.

For the second time this season, the halftime show involved a demonstration of youth basketball. This time the children were from various Metis and First Nation communities. The children looked like they had been admirably coached: they had a knack for establishing themselves in the paint, and often buried the bucket when they got there. In sum, the Rattlers could learn a thing or two from these children. One child had particularly mad skills, and looked like a Globetrotter among Generals. He was reminiscent of Bruce Massey in that way.

The Rattlers came out flat in the third. They set up plenty of good scoring opportunities, but just couldn’t make the shots go through. The Honey Badgers, meanwhile, took advantage of their scoring chances, and the Rattlers defense couldn’t stop them. Instead, they could only foul. Several Rattlers showed their frustration, none more so than Ali Haidar, who, after taking an inexcusable foul, slammed the ball hard on the parquet once, twice, and thrice before returning it to the ref.

Flex Cam made its rounds, though it seemed to inspire the Honey Badgers more than it did the crowd. Case in point: the Badgers’ big Shaquille Keith made a bucket and then flexed his bicep ostentatiously, drawing the ire of the crowd. “Put him on flex cam!” screamed a drunk seated nearby your correspondent. While Keith’s pipes were certainly Cam-worthy, the man otherwise looked to have a percentage of body fat comparable to that of your correspondent. (It just wouldn’t be your beloved Best Saskatchewan Rattlers Blog without some fat-shaming…but does it truly count as fat-shaming if, in making the quip, the quipster equally shames his or her own physique?)

Shaquille Keith: Large and in-charge for the Honey Badgers

The Rattlers made a push in the third, culminating in a few spirited slams from Shane Osayande. However, the Rattlers’ defanged themselves on a number of occasions. On one fast-break that promised an easy bucket, Marlon Johnson fired a pass ten feet over the head of his supposed target. That pass landed three rows deep in the main bowl. It was as if Johnson couldn't contain himself, had got too excited. It was as if the Rattlers were missing the soothing presence of Bruce Massey.

The score was 77-67 after three. In between quarters, the Venom Girls did their compulsory dance arrangement. From the Hamilton huddle, Honey Badgers’ mainstay Demetrius Denzel-Dyson repeatedly unlimbered so as to sneak peeks at the dancing ladies.

Maybe that rhythmic shimmying was a motivator, for the Honey Badger’s stood firm against the Rattlers’ pedestrian presses and maintained their lead throughout the fourth. By now the drunken guy just up the row had grown frustrated, and, whenever the Rattlers failed to convert turnovers to points, would let loose a torrential hail of F-bombs. When Gregor initiated the singalong, the obligatory Neil Diamond had been ousted in favor of “Bohemian Rhapsody.” And so, a chorus of lusty Saskatchewanese, many of them drunk, sang along to a song widely interpreted as being evocative of suicide. Accordingly, one could discern (if not outright hear) a certain verity—a profound punctum—in this vocal undertaking.  

The Rattlers pulled to within five with two minutes remaining, but Joe Rocca’s three with 35 seconds left proved to be the dagger. In the stoppage that followed, Gregor introduced the marketing department’s newest attempt at levity, dubbed Dad Dance Cam. It was little consolation. With the Rattlers’ down insurmountably, and so many beers having been consumed, few dads were disposed to dance.

At the final buzzer, the Honey Badgers had themselves a 102-96 win. After the handshakes, the Rattlers congregated at centre-court for a team huddle. Notably absent was Ali Haidar, who exited the court promptly, perhaps as a function of his frustrations. Will he be around next week? This is just one of many uncertainties that the Rattlers now face with Bruce Massey having decamped for Ukraine. Perhaps the greatest source of uncertainty is the Rattlers’s 6-7 record. For the first time since the inaugural game of the season, the Rattlers are a losing team.