In the middle of some of the most archetypal piebald
prairie on planet earth sits a massive concrete loaf girded in aquamarine
glass. This is the SaskTel Centre, Saskatchewan’s hockey rink par excellence.
Over the course of August 24th and 25th, 2019, however,
it transformed into Canada’s basketball Mecca, as it played hosted to the
first-ever Canadian Elite Basketball League (CEBL) Championship Weekend. For
the occasion, the Niagara River Lions, Edmonton Stingers, Hamilton Honey
Badgers, and host Saskatchewan Rattlers—Canada’s Final Four—converged on the
city of Saskatoon for a single-knockout tournament to crown the inaugural CEBL
champion.
The first semi-final, scheduled for 1:00 on Saturday
the 24th, featured the third-place Rattlers against the second-place
Edmonton Stingers. There weren’t many people in the SaskTel Centre as of 12:45.
The Canadian Broadcasting Corporation, which was carrying the game on its
online streaming service, had draped “CBC Sports” towels on the backs of the
seats that ran parallel with the court. Most of these were still untouched with
game time just minutes away. A few fans were scattered throughout the lower
bowl on either side of the court. By contrast, the narrow strips of seats
angled vis-à-vis the hoop were relatively full. This led your correspondent to
tender a preliminary hypothesis: most of the attending Saskatchewanese had
opted for the cheap seats rather than committing to the pricier tickets for the
whole three game affair. After all, a loss to Edmonton in the first game would
eliminate the Rattlers from the tournament. This hypothesis was supported by a
crucial case study in fan migration: that is, the heavy-set, hockey-masked
Rattlers super-fan was seated in the lower bowl rather than his usual cushy
baseline seats.
Your correspondent, by contrast, saw his own seats
upgraded. A front-office screw-up left him without his usual cheap, bad-angle
tickets, and he was promptly comped 7th row seats just left of
center-court. Presumably, the league was desperate to fill-up the camera-side
seats. Now your correspondent was actually near enough to see the players’
faces. This also marked the first time your correspondent saw the Venom Girls
up close. Upon watching their introductory twerk, your correspondent quickly
realized he has been altogether too harsh on these young women throughout the
season.
But the crowd was muted in the preliminary stages. Upon making his entry, Ssswish received only tepid applause. Then venerable old Gregor sauntered out to center-court and asked of Ssswish, “how loud can you get this crowd?” A handful of people cheered, but one snake can only do so much. In fact, the boorish Edmontonians who had made the six hour drive down from the City of Champions seemed as loud as the locals. Soon after, the PA announcer informed the crowd that the opening tip had been delayed until 1:17, for some reason. It was as if the league somehow hoped that more people would, in the meantime, filter in.
But the crowd was muted in the preliminary stages. Upon making his entry, Ssswish received only tepid applause. Then venerable old Gregor sauntered out to center-court and asked of Ssswish, “how loud can you get this crowd?” A handful of people cheered, but one snake can only do so much. In fact, the boorish Edmontonians who had made the six hour drive down from the City of Champions seemed as loud as the locals. Soon after, the PA announcer informed the crowd that the opening tip had been delayed until 1:17, for some reason. It was as if the league somehow hoped that more people would, in the meantime, filter in.
And yet even as everyone waited, even in the
noiseless, dead-air time, there was a sub-audible buzz—a certain busyness—that
permeated the SaskTel Centre.
In the in-between time, the fans in attendance were
shown a video package about the CEBL’s inaugural season. It featured the mandatory
low-toned voiceover uttering lines to the effect of “they said this league
wouldn’t last…” Your correspondent supposes that, in a world of AAFs (the
Alliance of American Football, for those of you who blinked while it was in
existence this past winter), even making it to the end of season one is
achievement enough for a fledgling league. This was followed by a video package
specifically dedicated to the CEBL championship trophy. This segued into the
actual physical introduction of the grand prize. A cadre of Scotsmen made their
way onto the court with bagpipes at full blare. On their glossy heels came a
pair of Mounties, who processed the trophy up the “commissioner’s suite.” This
was a chichi lounge area mounted behind the south baseline where Mike Morreale,
CEBL commissioner, would be found loitering throughout the weekend. Here, too,
the trophy would sit.
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| The CEBL Championship Trophy is processed into the half-empty SaskTel Centre |
After all the preliminary ceremonies and theatrics,
the Rattlers and Stingers took to the hardwood and the game commenced. The game
was even very early on, tied at nines after approximately five minutes of
action. At this point, the loutish Edmonton fans started up a “Stingers (bump-bump),
Stingers!” chant. This reasonable level of engagement earned a Stingers’ fan
the privilege of competing in the promotional vignette held during the first TV
timeout. A wiry, etiolated Albertan twenty-something was given the opportunity
to shoot basketballs into garbage cans. He missed four of six shots, much to
the delight of the home team’s fans. Your correspondent was somewhat preoccupied
at this point, however, with a somewhat wistful insight. From this closer
vantage point, it struck him that, while the players look so much bigger, the
fans look inordinately more enfeebled.
The real game resumed and the Stingers started to
establish a paint presence, consistently winning battles therein. Nonetheless,
the Rattlers kept it close. They were galvanized by Jelayne Pryce, who put down
a big dunk to make it 15-15. They also seemed to be spurred by the efforts of
some fans, namely the upper middle-class young men on the baseline. These men
were in their mid-twenties, limber-limbed, and handsome. They all looked like they had
lucrative jobs in business and/or the health sciences. On account of their
confident countenances alone, they all gave indication they would one day be
captains of industry. To a man they were fit, and their clothes were admirably
contoured. They helped the home side by heckling the opposition vociferously.
Their leader was a trim young man in an on-fleek jean-jacket and skinny jeans combo
with glasses. He looked like a younger, trendier Stephen Colbert. And this was
Colbert in full Bill O’Reilly mode, as this young man was almost constantly
screaming and gesticulating at the Stingers players. All the while, his friends
giggled handsomely, and the Stingers players pretended not to hear.
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| The upper-middle class men with their bespectacled leader (standing) |
The score was 20-17 for the Stingers after one frame.
In between quarters, Rattlers’ local legend Michael Linklater stepped up to the
sidelines dressed in khakis and a black polo shirt. The PA announcer made it
known that Linklater was announcing his retirement from basketball. This was
greeted with a standing ovation, and Linklater raised his arm to wave a thank
you to the crowd.
Perhaps the Rattlers would have been better served
having Linklater on the court. Certainly, they could have used his dogged
defensive skills in the second quarter, as the Stingers pulled ahead by even
more. About halfway in, Edmonton led 35-26. An ill-advised pass from the
Rattlers’ Shaquille Keith to captain Alex Campbell was claimed by the Stingers
and led to a Travis Daniels dunk. The churlish Edmonton fans went wild, and
things looked bleak for the home side.
The promotional interruptions provided little solace.
Ssswish competed in a dance-off against the Stingers’ mascot, a tiny vespine
being that must have been, underneath the costume, either a little person or a
child. The backing track was C&C Music Factory’s “Gonna Make You Sweat
(Everybody Dance Now),” and, to that song’s oft-repeated parenthetical refrain
that “everybody dance now,” the waspish mascot proceeded into some hyperactive
flossing, of course. His pace was manic, and there seemed to be little Ssswish
could do to top him. Alas, Ssswish grabbed a bag of popcorn and dumped it over
the tiny bee-creature’s head.
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| Scintillating CEBL semi-final action |
In the latter stages of the second, the Rattlers
slithered back. A successful three from Negus Webster-Chan cut the score to
46-41 for the visitors, and made pyro spew from behind the basket. The pyro
seemed a bit gaudy, especially since the Rattlers were trailing. Indeed, within five
was as close as the Rattlers would get before halftime, and Edmonton was up
49-41 at the break.
For halftime entertainment, the lights were dimmed and
the Toronto Raptors’ DJ, one 4 Korners, took to the makeshift stage in front of
the commissioner’s suite. He was by all indications a hyper-competent DJ,
totally outclassing Charly Hustle (with all due respect to Charly Hustle). Be
that as it may, the crowd wasn’t really into it. Your correspondent counted approximately
one person dancing—an Edmontonian. Perhaps it was the eight-point deficit that
had the home fans glued to their seats or else out in the concourse making
nervous merchandise purchases. Either way, few wanted to dance. The mood really
hearkened back to that of the Rattlers’ season opener back in early May. That
is, people were sitting awkwardly, some of them only kind of knowing what they were
expected to be doing. As 4 Korners neared his finish, he spun “Apache.”
Apparently, he couldn’t resist the racism. Either way, it didn’t get a rise out
of the crowd.
The game resumed, and the Rattlers seemed to lock
down. So too did the upper middle-class hecklers, and they harassed the
Stingers’ players relentlessly. They were especially hard on Jordan Baker, the
Stingers’ somewhat unwitting looking captain and native Edmontonian. Perhaps it
had some effect, because the Rattlers were able to sustain a surge in the
third. With around two minutes left, they had cut the score to 62-56. Soon after,
the Stingers’ inked and delinquent forward Grandy Glaze felled Negus
Webster-Chan and earned an unsportsmanlike technical for his misdeed. During
the ensuing stoppage in play, the Rattlers’ Ryan Ejim started yelling at the
hometown towel boy for apparently not wiping down the floor well enough. Soon
after, Jordan Baker, perhaps not entirely unfazed from the aggressive upper-middle
class heckling, got called for an unbecoming foul, leading to two more
Rattlers’ points. The score was 66-60 for Edmonton after three.
In between quarters, two nondescript men played Wheel
of Fortune with basketballs. How it worked was that the Venom Girls would
reveal letters for every shot the men made. On the whole, these promotional
vignettes were proving decidedly more thoughtful on this championship weekend. The
marketing team must have been saving all their creativity for the season
finale.
The Rattlers kept the gas-pedal matted in the fourth.
Within three minutes, the home side had it tied at 68 thanks to a successful
Shaquille Keith basket. With the hoop came the harm, and Keith drained the
free-throw to put the Rattlers in the lead. Soon after, Gregor awarded the
upper middle class trash talker with the glasses the “Fan of the Game” honours.
The reasoning Gregor provided for his decision was that the bespectacled beaker
had been “all over the other team.” All told, things seemed to be going the way
they should have been. Things seemed to bode well for the Rattlers.
The lead went back and forth over the remainder of the
game. With less than a minute to go, the Rattlers found themselves up by four,
84-80. They extended this with a successful free-throw, but even the five point
lead wasn’t cushion enough. Xavier Moon, the CEBL Player of the Year and
all-around Stinger sparkplug, charged up court and drained a three. Now it was
85-83 Rattlers with just a few-seconds differential between the game and shot
clocks. The Rattlers had the ball and attempted to milk the clock. Finally,
Shaq Keith took the pill to the hoop and, fortuitously, drew a foul with 4.6
seconds left. The ill-mannered Edmontonian fans cried foul, of course. They
couldn’t be blamed. Your correspondent suspects the refs were favoring
Saskatchewan—and why not? It was the best business decision.
Shaquille Keith stepped to the line with a chance to
put the game out of reach. Hush fell over the arena.
He missed the first shot.
The hush fell once again.
He missed the second, too, and the Stingers charged up
the court. They had a chance for one last shot to tie—or win—the game. Alas,
the Rattlers’ defense wrestled the ball away, securing a steal, and the buzzer sounded.
The crowd erupted in jubilation. Their home team would play in the finals on
Sunday, and the repulsive Edmontonian fans would be sent home early. Still,
those abhorrent Albertans were not entirely hapless—indeed, they could make the
sad trip home taking some consolation in the fact that their team, though they
had lost, had come up just short in what was a very good game.
And for the Saskatchewanese, Sunday wouldn’t just be
salvageable. It would be a chance to watch the home squad making bush-league
basketball history.
